My Top Three “Comedy Gold” Breastfeeding Moments

In honour of World Breastfeeding Week I thought I would write a slightly alternatively post on breastfeeding. With #SHJM I fed him until he was one, with #ARWM we are going strong at four months so hoping to get somewhere similar. Along the way we have had some pretty cringe-y and “comedy gold” moments that I thought I would share with you all. Good job I’m not a shrinking violet!

Third place goes to something that happened this week. To set the scene, I was in the office rocking one of my “grown up clothes” dresses from French Connection, and trying to speak very seriously and knowledgably, about the tantalising subject of contract law in Korea to a colleague. Feeling I had wowed him, (yes a him!!), with my master mind level of knowledge on the subject, I headed off to the bathroom. A quick glance in the mirror revealed most of my right breast pad sticking out of the neckline of my dress.

Breastfeeding fun fact: Boobs leak. They leak when they get full, when you feed on the other one, when you hear a baby that sounds like yours, when you see a picture of your baby and most of all when you are wearing a lovely top without breast pads. Wear breast pads (just make sure they are stuck in place)!

Second place is another #ARWM feeding moment. As I’m working I now pump milk at work for him, so three times a day I trot off to my “pumping den” (also known as a lockable meeting room with a blacked out door). My second week into being back at work, all the big bosses flew in from the U.S. and were using the Singapore office as a base on their APAC tour. I headed off to my den for my post lunch pump and proceeded to strip down and kit up! Barely a few minutes into the session I was startled by a rattling at the door. At that exact moment I see the global CEOs laptop on the table across from me! He had decided that my pumping den would make a great make shift office for his stay. Thank god for the inventions of locks! I was also grateful of the female colleague who was walking past at the time and explained to him why the door was locked and he gracefully scuttled off, and I imagine just mentally wrote off the laptop.

Breastfeeding Fun fact: Most clothes considered workwear / office attire don’t naturally work with a breast pump. So if you have a pumping colleague know they are spending periods of time topless in the office.

First place goes to the day I became a human version of one of the lactating Nereids on the Fountain of Neptune in Bologna. Like the fountain, it was publically spectacular! #SHJM was around five months old and I was meeting up with a fellow group of mums for our weekly Friday wine and cake session. We were at a pretty nice restaurant (as nice as taking babies permits) in a swanky shopping mall on Orchard Road. Seb wanted a feed and I decided to multitask; Wine, cake and breastfeeding are a very natural and sensible combination. Only around five months old babies become VERY distracted feeders, and a sound normally only detectable to an owl, a distant flicker of light, even their own toes can rapidly divert their attention.  I foolishly relaxed thinking #SHJM was latched on and helping himself to his afternoon tea when a butterfly must have flapped its wing in Burma and suddenly his head swerved north! The result was milk squirting across the table 180 degrees around me at a distance of a metre across the table.

Breastfeeding fun fact: milk squirts from many holes and can reach quite a distance. 

I’m sure I have many wonderful, funny, humiliating and tough moments to come in this department but one things for sure, when they happen I will be laughing. Maybe not at the time but definitely when I recount them to #MJM later in the day.

Mummy Milne xx

2 thoughts on “My Top Three “Comedy Gold” Breastfeeding Moments

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