Sunday evening. Three sleeping Milne boys, house tidy, various bags packed and ready for the start of the new week. I’m enjoying a moment of rare, alone calm, before I get some much needed sleep, reflecting on a lovely family day, making precious memories together. The great thing about parenthood, is that your mind forgets things very quickly. Because if I reflect accurately our day, it actually looked a bit like this….
This morning we each took a child, and decided to divide and conquer! I headed with #ARWM to meet a friend for an early 12km walk, in an attempt to do some exercise. #MJM and #SHJM had a morning together and headed to swimming lessons.
8.44am – I send a message to #MJM saying I’m feeling pretty run down and broken, and think I’m going to take a day off this week and try and rest. Just need to check the diary in the morning, to see what I have on at work, and see when in the schedule it’s most convenient to rest. Oh the realities of being a working mum.
Monday morning update: Doesn’t look like there is a convenient day to rest this week. Oh well, will try and book in a day next week.
9.23am – Send photo to #MJM of #ARWM looking very unimpressed, in the girlie strawberry and cherry sun hat I had to borrow, because I forgot his.
11.29am – Receive a message from #MJM saying swimming was great, but #SHJM was being “foul”. I later discover, that the dads thought it would be nice to have some quality time at the coffee shop, with the kids after swimming, and while one child got told off for trying to put all her raisins in her mouth at once, #SHJM decided to trump it, with trying to eat them all off the table, in one go, using only his mouth like a dog. The combination of being told that was unacceptable, and the fact the coffee shop only sold orange juice and not apple juice, flipped #SHJM from Dr Jekyll to Mr Hyde. This apparently only worsened, until several hours later, after exhausting 25,734 excuses of why he didn’t want, or need to nap, finally conceded to the land of nod.
1.01pm – I jump in a taxi to the supermarket, as all that we had left in the house was the ingredients to make Bloody Mary’s and seven cans of baked beans. I had paused momentarily to wonder if that provided a wholesome family dinner. I also made a mental note that I must stop adding baked beans to my online shopping order, “just in case we have jacket potatoes and #MJM wants some”.
1.07pm – #ARWM becomes possessed in the taxi. It was like something out of a horror film. Someone flicked a switch and he went bat shit crazy. My two only plausible explanations were, either he was actually momentarily possessed, or, there was someone inside the car seat stabbing him. It was so bad, and he was so inconsolable, I even took him out of his car seat and tried to stick a boob in his mouth. Even that failed. We pulled up at the supermarket and it was like nothing had even happened! He was back to his happy self, smiling and laughing and the poor taxi driver headed off suffering with post traumatic stress.
2.24pm – Message from #MJM to say #SHJM was up and asking for me. Luckily I was in a cab home.
2.41pm – Walk through the door and immediately start to make cakes with #SHJM, whilst at the same time trying to throw fridge food in the fridge, feed #ARWM and naively flick the switch on the kettle. #MJM grabbed the window of both boys wanting me, and finished off some work he needed to do. We made a chocolate birthday cake, (Betty Crocker helped with this as I am rubbish at chocolate cakes), healthy carrot cake, “chocolate” protein balls, (healthy, yet filing enough to curtail the toddlers appetite, whilst being brown enough to make him think he’s eating chocolate). Toddler gave up wanting to help after one stir of the first cake, and so we compromised that he could sit at the work top with me, and watch the iPad while I baked. When I say “compromise”, I think “I completely surrendered” would probably be a better description.
Monday morning update: I never had a cup of tea.
4pm – #MJM takes #ARWM for a walk (a.k.a. escapes chaos to go for a pint). #SHJM and I have some wholesome bonding time with trains and dinosaurs. House at this point looks like it’s been ransacked. Various cakes are made / baking / abandoned.
5.55pm – #SHJM appears shouting “Nichole Daddy needs you!” Not quite sure why he thought “Mummy” was no longer an acceptable moniker, yet I decided for ease, to not question it and follow to see what was required of me. I can’t even remember what it was.
6.15pm – Feed #ARWM and put him to bed. One down, one to go.
6.40pm – #SHJM helps me plate up delicious, wholesome,
home cooked, family, Sunday roast dinner of shop bought sushi.
6.41pm – Gagging for a glass of wine, but there is none because I don’t keep it in the house, because then I drink it. So open a beer, which just doesn’t hit the spot.
6.52pm – I have to say the sentence “Please stop licking the window, sit back in your chair and just eat your dinner!”
7.30pm – The nightly negotiation to get IN the bath, followed by the negotiation to get OUT of the bath. Why don’t they remember that they like it?! Why do they have goldfish memories for how much they actually enjoy their daily baths, yet remember in great detail the exact location of the ice cream shop you took them to once!?
8.08pm – I’m desperately trying to stay awake whilst reading the final bedtime story and explaining AGAIN that it doesn’t matter that #SHJM can’t see in the dark because his eyes should be shut to sleep in which case he can’t see anyway.
8.15pm – Join #MJM in reverting the ransacked house to something that could almost pass for habitable.
8.44pm – Ice the birthday cake I made, only to discover, the red writing icing I bought, was in fact red writing gel and it looks like I’ve written “Happy Birthday” in fake Halloween blood.
9.08pm – Fall over train set going to give #SHJM a final kiss good night and “check he’s still breathing” check. I hope that’s a normal thing all parents do, (both the breathing check and falling over the train set) and I’m not a complete weirdo.
Monday morning update: This gap is where I wrote this blog.
9.58pm – I wonder when #ARWM will wake up for his feed. Do I risk staying up for 5 more minutes? Shall I quickly just read all of Instagram, Facebook and the Daily Mail? Or do I try and get to sleep as quickly as possible? Maybe I’ll just check Instagram only? No! I’ll be sensible and lie down.
10.01pm – Lying in bed thinking to myself “Ah what lovely boys I have and what a wonderful weekend we’ve had together”.
Monday morning update: 10.40pm #ARWM woke up and I was in that very heavy “just fallen asleep” sleep which meant I almost fell over walking to the cot.
Mummy Milne xx